Feeling Helpless

by Learning to Love Myself Again, posted in cancer, cancer sucks, fear, noonefightsalone, pancreatic cancer

Today my daddy starts his first chemo treatment. It is supposed to last 4 hours. I wish I was there with him. I want to see what he is experiencing. I wonder how he is feeling. I cannot imagine sitting there for 4 hours with a needle in your arm. How will he feel when he is done? Will he be sick? Will he feel weak? How are his spirits? It is so hard being so far away when this is happening.

He is not alone, my stepmom is there. I wonder the same for her. She has to be brave and strong for him. She did say she was going to bring some treats for the nursing staff. She says the way to a nurses heart is through their stomach! I hope she is right! I hope those nurses take good care of my daddy.

I’m sure he is scared. I sent my stepmom a text this morning and said I was thinking about both of them and F* cancer!!!

Published by Learning to Love Myself Again

My father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I created a blog so I can release my feelings in a healthy way while trying to keep it together for my own sanity. My hope is my story can help someone else who is struggling. I also hope that I can pick up pieces of knowledge from those that have been there before me. Since his passing I have rediscovered myself. I have mental illness. I have have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety most of my life. In addition I suffer from borderline personality disorder. This blog is my outlet to sort my feelings and share my story. My hope is that my story will help others that are alone and feel that this diagnosis means that your life is over. The truth is that in many ways it was only the beginning. XOXO~ Shannon

5 thoughts on “Feeling Helpless”

  1. Hi dear, I hope you and your family find strength in this challenging time. I know the feeling…It’s darn painful, this kind of situation you don’t have much control.

    “The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay.”- I totally get this line.

    Be strong! *hugs*

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  2. Hoping to hear an update about your dad and his first round of chemo. I know I was terrified because you have no idea what to expect. I have a port in my chest for the infusions. My first round was over four hours. It is a long time to sit and wonder what happens next. How is he doing after? Is the nausea maintained? Did he get the ‘tinny’ taste in his mouth? Was just thinking of you and your dad today. Hope all is going okay. P.S. I agree with the above comment: “The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay” ❤

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    1. It is so hard being so far away! Those are good questions that I can ask him to show that I am tuned into his experience. Thank you for that. I am looking forward to seeing him on his off week in a couple weeks. I wonder if they will give him a port eventually……

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